There are so many excuses I’ve made for not writing more often.
In the last 24 hours, I have participated in an interesting stream of loosely connected conversations on this topic, ranging from Twitter, to a face-to-face conversation while hiking, to a phone conversation this morning. Several themes were carried through in each version of the conversation. And one of those themes was, “I don’t have anything of value to add to the conversation.”
"Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing. If you’re writing, you’re a writer…." http://t.co/oTA4qGjx07
— Christian Payne (@Documentally) April 12, 2014
With that tweet, Christian Payne began a conversation with myself that lingered most of the day. Alan Watts’ admonitions kept ringing in my ears all day. “Advice? I don’t have advice. Stop aspiring and start writing.” And then Watts unleashed the advice he said he didn’t have, “Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone.” Those are powerful words, inspiring words.
Unfortunately, the excuses I make for not writing are much simpler than the fear of divulging my deepest, darkest secrets. There are many excuses, but the one that has stood in my way more often than others is this: “I don’t need to say this. It has already been said.”
I suppose Christian set in motion a predisposition to listen for this theme in my conversations throughout the day. As I was hiking with a friend last night, a similar conversation about writing sprang from our walk. They commented that they had noticed I was writing more and talked openly about their reluctance to write. We talked about the excuses we use not to write. And one of the excuses we both agreed on was this, “Others have already said what I would want to say.” You can feel the self-judgement in that statement, can’t you. It hints at “better than I can” without actually saying it. And it is just an excuse to not add our voice to the mix.
On the phone with Brad Nix this morning, the theme came up again. And our brief dialogue brought me to a familiar conclusion. It seems we all struggle with this. And I believe we all have our own internal response that helps us understand why our tightly held excuses don’t make sense, regardless of how reluctant we are to believe our own reasoning. “Just because I’ve consumed the information doesn’t mean everyone else has,” was Brad ‘s refutal of his own version of this common form of writer’s block. And that’s true. Perhaps the more important truth is this; allowing this excuse to stand in the way of writing, denies those who respect Brad from hearing HIM say whatever it is he may rightfully believe they’ve already heard.
The Awesome Power Of Relationships
The reason why I click on some people’s links on Twitter and not others is the same reason why I respond asymmetrically when two different people say the exact same thing. It’s because of the unique nature of each relationship. It’s often not about the eloquence of the words, just who says them. If you have kids, you’ve likely seen them accept on first pass a comment made in passing by a teacher or coach that they’ve fought you tooth and nail on 100 times.
We’ve been doing this our whole lives. We assign different value to the words of others based on the nature of our relationship with them. So, this is not news. But it might be a powerful conversation to have with ourselves to help us get out of our own way when it comes to writing. I know it will be for me.
People who will respond to your voice may not respond to my voice, even if we’re saying the same thing. That means your voice matters. That means my voice matters.
Also, sometimes I need to hear something more than once for it to get through my (thick) skull.
I’m raising my hand as well.
Great post. I have a friend who is a singer/songwriter. He says there are only a few song topics in the world, and most are about love and relationships in some form or another. Isn’t it amazing how many different songs can come from the “same” topics!
I saw a post on writing about a year ago that summed things up well…paraphrasing: the secret to writing is to write. Write everyday. Write when you have nothing to say. Write when you have everything to say. Then, write some more. After that, continue writing.
The good news is that even if you write about something that’s already been said, you get to learn what you think of that topic. You might even learn something about yourself that you never knew.
I’ve been treating this like working out for the past month. There are simply muscles I haven’t worked consistently for a long, long time. I just know that I must stop making excuses and just write. I’m forcing myself. And, I woke up this morning with nothing to say. 🙂
Hope I haven’t replied 3x here… Problem logging. Anyway LOVE this thought about needing to work those muscles. So many just think biceps but there are far more important muscles that require regular exercise
I’ve heard this before. Can’t you tell me something new?
Seriously, doesn’t it feel like our modern quest for ‘what’s new’ killing the better quest for ‘what’s valuable’?
This thought popped into my head the other day… I rarely read an article about Adobe Illustrator. Yet, it is one of the pieces of software I use all the time. What I read about are all kinds of new ways to do stuff that, mostly, I didn’t realize needed to be done differently. Sometimes that’s good. Sometimes I shake my head in utter bewilderment. But this quest for new, in the moment, is tiring.
I’ve been struggling with this on our newer site. I keep thinking “I’ve already said this” when, in fact, I may have somewhere else but not in the place I’m supposed to be sharing and writing right NOW. Glad to see I’m in excellent company.
Oh, and Elaine said get out of her head.
Packing my bags. 🙂
I must confess Jeff, I’ve been having a similar argument in my head lately because I’ve been holding back saying things that I think are important to be said… and weighing the possibility of people reacting badly. It’s a bit like tearing your chest open and showing the world your beating heart. I commend your determination. And I can’t wait to read what you write next.
connects with me. a lot 🙂 thanks man
No, thank you.
Thank you Jeff. Hearing this from you means a great deal to me. I can’t tell you how many times I say this to myself. I love to read lots of blogs and articles then feel like it’s old news since I’ve heard or read it. I also have never said or written this, but I’m so afraid that I’ll make a mistake or say something wrong. Wow, wouldn’t it be terrible if I let out the news that I’m not perfect??? As if that hasn’t already been made painfully clear so many times already!!! Lol.
I suppose that it’s time to get back to writing. It will probably feel good to get this stuff out of my head. It’s like a great big traffic jam in there.
I’ve struggled with this every single day the last month. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. I’m not sure there is a secret formula, thus the connection for me with Watts’ comments. We all just need to get out of our own way and do stuff. And as for traffic jams, my but is that you’ll just fill the space with new cars. I know I did. 🙂
As long as their moving, more cars are quite welcome! 🙂
** they’re ** ugh…
Sure glad I came across this today thanks to you: ”Take a deep breath and tell us your deepest, darkest secret, so we can wipe our brow and know that we’re not alone.” Thank you for taking the time to write Jeff. Please do share: where are people most apt to find your new posts? I find them on Facebook.
I don’t always post a link to Facebook, but I usually do. Thank you for the comment. I think we’re all wired in the same basic ways. We all share the same basic fears and hesitations. We need each other to help us break through sometimes.
Note to self … My voice matters! My voice matters! Thanks Jeff.
Thanks for hiking with me. 🙂